JJB’s Ramblings

Recently, Roo and I ventured north of the border. No, I am not talking about Salisbury Ma, but rather the Canadian border. Why? Well, we figured that it was time to go back to America Jr. We made a fateful trip to the great white north a number of years ago on spring break. Actual conversation (not actual conversation):

Man, it’s march. Let’s go somewhere. 
Cancun?
No.
Back home?
No.
Canada?
CANADA!

We got up there and found 16 inches of snow. It was great. So we decided to give Canadia another shot as it has been five years or so and I think they knew we were coming.   We hit the road at the upper crack of dawn and made great time, arriving in Canada by 1130ish. On the way up, Roo told me about this restaurant, St. Hubert.  The reason he wanted to try it? His co-worker apparently told them that you could get chicken nuggets in a Lego-style chicken. Awesome. So, after checking in to the hotel, Roo asked the friendly desk folk where the nearest St. Hubert’s was. There was a pregnant pause where they looked at each other and then started laughing. “You want to go to St. Oobear? (typed with the French accent). Roo says, “Uh, yeah. A friend told me we should check it out.” “Oooh, no no no. Zare are ‘undreds of top restaurants in Mon’real, and you want to go to ST. OOOBEAR?” exclaimed our surprised check-ins. Roo, only slightly thrown off said, “But they have the Lego chicken things!” “Uh, yea, I sink that thoze are on zee keedz menu.” Roo, undaunted (though slightly flushed) said “But it is a LEGO chicken.”. Trying to make us understand, they said, “Eet is like us coming down  to Boston and asking where the nearest Friendly’s was.” Roo, done with this, says “Friendly’s is Good! Whatever. Where is it? Do you want anything?” So we left after being taunted by the desk staff in search of the closest St. Hubert. After about 20 min we finally found it. It was NOT a Friendly’s. It was even higher class than a Friday’s. It was nice, and respectable. Actually, I didn’t care if it was a dump, all I really wanted was poutine. Let me tell you, I was not disappointed. Perfect fries, tasty gravy and massive hunks of cheese curds . Spectacular. After stuffing our gobs with rotisserie chicken and poutine, we decided to walk it off. About 15 min later, we found ourselves in Montreal’s Chinatown, which was a lot of fun. About one block in we both stopped in our tracks, looked at each other and asked “What is that beautiful smell?!” Turns out it was the Chinese pastry shop which Roo was quickly dispatched too. He got us a sweet bun with cheese and almonds. I devoured it. Open mouth, stuff with pastry and repeat until it’s gone.

 We walked around Old Montreal and enjoyed all the sites including a Grill your own Sausage station complete with total stranger ok with you taking his photo, a Canadian tradition and spaceships, I mean old Olympic stadiums. In addition to that we got to brush up on our high school French, which really meant that anyone that spoke to us in French, we looked at and said “uh, Sorry, uh… parlez-vouz Anglais?” We were rock stars. On our way out of the country (after a nice breakfast, freezing our asses at the top of Mount Real and dropping some hard earned cash at the casino) we hit the road. On our way out, we decided that being good
US citizens we would declare our purchases.

Actual conversation (really, actual conversation):

Border Guard: Have you anything to declare?
Me: Yes. One Canada snow globe and a butter knife.
Border Guard: Globe and butter knife?
Me: Yes.
Border Guard: Purpose of visit?
Me: Pleasure. Clearly…. 

Bottom line? Go Canada.

Most chain restaurants have a signature dish. McDonalds has the big mac.  Friendly’s has the fribble (do you know the difference between a fribble and a milkshake, BESIDES the fact that one brings the boys to the yard? I do.)  The Cheesecake Factory has its cheesecake.  But the Cheesecake Factory has a secret weapon that a super size fry or a happy ending (Sunday you goon) cannot compete with.  Roadside sliders.  The Factory is known for its monsterous entrée sizes.  It exemplifies American over-indulgence. These sliders however challenge that conception.  The Factory chooses to downplay their total awesomeness and describes them as: 

ROADSIDE SLIDERS
Bite-sized Burgers on Mini-Buns Served with
Grilled Onions, Pickles and Ketchup 

Dear friends, I feel I have to let you know that they are more than that.  They are toasted roll goodness.  They are yellow cheddared perfection.  They are sweet and salty and sumptuous.  In fact, I am pretty sure that they are laced with crack because once you take that first bite you cannot put them down.  They come four to an order and being the loving fiance that I am, I gave one to Erica.  I had to do this before I had taken a bite because I am pretty sure it would never have left my plate otherwise.  eRock took a bite and said, “Oh this is pretty good.” Then the crack set in and she declared it “really pretty good”. She took her second bite and closed her eyes stating, “Wow, this is really good.” A pause and then a third bite, “oh man, this is really freakin good. I can’t believe how good this is. Can you make these? Because these are REALLY good”.  Fourth bite, same results, “I just can’t believe it. It is really good. REALLY.” At this point I had wolfed down 1.5 of the little guys and concurred. I think she was eyeing the last one on my plate but I couldn’t be sure. Her final bite came and she sort of slumped back in her seat, and said “Wow.  Did I tell you I thought that was really good? It was realllllly good.  Did you know they were that good?” I replied yes, that’s why I ordered them. “Well why the heck didn’t you tell me?  Why did you let me get a burrito when I could have got those? That’s cruel.” I know…but I did share. “I don’t think I can order anything else ever again…besides cheesecake.” I know.  I guarantee that if you experience these little gems, you will find yourself craving THEM and not cheesecake next time someone mentions a gathering at the Cheesecake factory.  You can always take cheesecake home, but you should always have the crack at the crackhouse.

Un cerveza por favor. 

The way I remember it, this was the world’s best beer and the worlds best mexican food, at the worlds best restaurant.  Erica and I had just completed an extraordinarily long drive listed on google maps as 10 hours.  We took about 16 hours because I wanted the rustic, scenic appeal.  Well, we got it.  On the map you can see where we pulled a U-turn just before the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel to get cash and got a little lost on the beltway outside Virginia Beach.  ANYWAY.  Only briefly stopping in NC for BBQ , 16+ hours after we left Brooklyn we found ourselves at the condo, ready to eat the first thing we could get our hands on and subdue.  Thankfully it didn’t come to that.  eRocks folks had suggested a mexican place down the road with $0.69 draft beers and $1.00 margaritas.  Aye yai yai!  We couldn’t pass that up.  It was stellar.  Above average food and cold cheap beer and this photo was a declaration of love for the latter.

If there is anything more ferocious than a bear in a wife beater, then it’s a bear in a wife beater who advertises his own name.  Say Hello to Martin, the most kickass hunchback bear on the cape.  Martin has been a staple at the Cape Cod Zooquarium for as long as I can remember.  Yes, Zooaquarium. They have a bear out front hustling customers for them.  I suppose that would be akin to having a shark at a petting zoo, don’t you think? 

Martin stands as a constant reminder of A) how to do the mash potato and B) how animals in marketing are ALWAYS the smart move.

I usually don’t care for commercials and I love the fact that with any DVR’d show I can zoom right through them.  The problem with watching “live” tv is that you can’t do that.  Sometimes you can go around it and channel surf but other times (like when watching a football game) with a bunch of people you just have to suffer through it.  This past Sunday while enjoying the Patriots win over …who did they beat again? I can’t even remember now because there have been so many… I saw perhaps the funniest advertisement. Ever.  Maybe it is just because of my recent adventures into making sausages, or the fact that I want a dog.  Either way, I found this to be hilarious and wanted to share it with you.   

When eRock and I went on youtube last night to find this and watch it again (no less than 6 times) we ended up looking around at some other videos.  First we looked for Great Dane videos (because that is the type of dog I want) and then we looked for Daschund videos (because that’s what eRock wants) and found Rusty.  Oh Rusty.  Such a cute little guy, too bad about the narcolepsy.