JJB’s Ramblings

I am watching what is probably (hands down) the oddest movie I have ever seen. Period.  It is called Six String Samurai and what’s probably more disturbing is that I have seen this move 1.5 times already. It came as a recommendation from Joe (suggester of such movies as Shaolin Soccer and God of Cookery )

The gist of the flick is this: We lost the cold war, Elvis is dead and a guy that looks like buddy holly is going to the last sacred land (Vegas anyone?) to be the next king of rock and roll. Oh yeah, he kicks ass by slicing and dicing his way across the land with a samurai sword and his guitar. Tell me a better plot line, I dare you. I can’t even think of one word to sum this up, but here are a few that come to mind. Ludicrous. Outrageous. Downright stupid. Unbelieveable. Taken with a grain of salt. Frickin Incredibly bad. Actually, it is so bad that it is good. Honest. This movie is quote-o-rific with lines like:

Bad Guy #23: If I were you, I would run.
Hero: If you were me, you’d be good-lookin’.
Or
Bad Guy # 1: Nice tuxedo. Nice tuxedo to die in!
Or
Cannibal #1: You ever try a pink golf ball, Wally? Why, the wind shear alone on a pink golf ball can take the head off a 90-pound midget at over 300 yards.

Oh and the best part of all of this (as if it can get any better) is that he is being chased by Death (who looks, honest to god, like Slash from Guns and Roses, giant top hat and all). It also happens that Death is a guitar god and has been smiting all potential heirs to Elvis’ rock n roll throne (which is why he is after our hero, Buddy). At the end there is a big guitar dual, which is just a more rockin’ movie version of the Charlie Daniels Band’s Devil went down to Georgia and is immediately followed by Death saying “Admit it. You are weak and you’ve been defeated. Now bend before the ways of Heavy….. Metal” and a sword fight ensues.

This is all just too incredible for me. Heavy Metal vs. Rock and Roll. Good vs Bad. Buddy (Holly) vs. Slash. There is even a nod to the Wizard of Oz. A better movie Hollywood has never made.

You have to watch this movie. Grab a beer, maybe some BBQ and just sit and watch. It’s 95 min that you will never, ever forget. If you have Comcast, this movie is actually on Demand….for Free! Get to it!

I live trivia.  It’s a good way to spend an hour or two and done with the right people it could be downright entertaining. Last night was no exception.  A-man, K, MJG and I all found ourselves back at The Red Line in Harvard Sq for our third try at team trivia.  Originally under the clever name of the Outside the Box-ers, we had racked up an 0-2 record.  That was no good, so with the same cast we reinvented ourselves at the Student Loaners.  In team trivia you MUST have a good team name or else the other teams won’t respect you.  The more clever the name, the tougher the competition…. That’s just how it goes.  Anyway.  We started off at a rock star pace.  Tv show with Thomas Hayden Church and Debra Messing?  Ned and Stacey. Duh.  Lake in MN that shares a name with a toy company and is Indian for “Great”? Tonka.  Damn we are good. We are outta the gate with some serious points.  We make a decent showing of the name the actor/movie bit picking up 15 out of 20.  Then the wheels get a little wobbly.  We wrap up the first half in 2^nd place but know from past experience that we need to focus.   

As the questions start to get harder in the 2^nd half we all take notice to this one guy in particular.  You’ve seen him.  Sloppy, sporting a local sports team hat (backwards), a different local sports team t-shirt, probably a little more drunk than a guy should be on a Monday night, loud, borderline beligerent, but he doesn’t really know it.  We all lived next to this guy at one point or another.  Well, this guy starts to take a fancy to the trivia girl (who has NO inclination to deal with this jackal). It starts innocently enough.  He comes up and asks her a few times to repeat the question for him.  Then he starts mildly complaining about the difficulty of the questions.  With each question he gets a little louder and a little more grating.  Naturally, the four of us cannot stop watching.  This is pure entertainment to us.  By the end of the 3^rd quarter her patience is gone with this guy and he is just plan offensive.  He wants to know if his answers are right when he brings them up.  He asks her why she can’t play better music.  He complains about the music round and says that it would have been better is the songs were circa 1984.  This guy is just embarassing now and he is getting Pissed that he is losing so badly.  We feel really bad about whats goin on now, as I am SURE that this nice girl doesn’t get paid enough to put up with some fat, dumb slob’s BS.  K decides to let the girl know that we see whats going on and offers some advice.  On our answer sheet, in addition to our correct answer (expensive combs and a watch fob) we add that she should look into getting a taser for this dope.  She appreciates our gesture and laughs with us, and we laugh at him.  Trivia wise, we are still in the hunt.  Some hard questions, but A-man came through with some good answers to keep us alive.  Fat bastard was basically done, as he was getting nothing right.  His prior advances on Trivia girl had been denied so he was trying another route.  I am sure he heard somewhere that chicks like guys that are assholes, so he says to her… (Something to the effect of) “Well start askin’ some better questions, or at least show me your tits.  I’m just sayin.”  Who the hell thinks that will work?!  I honestly cannot think of ANY guy that that line would work for.  No super Hollywood hunk. No sports star, no business mogul, certainly not THIS drunk assclown.  She’s pissed but just ignores him.  The game comes down to the final questions.  We are in 2^nd place by 2 points (I calculated 81, but Trivia girl says 84, I will recalculate later).  First place has an unbelieveable 20-point lead over us but we are determined to hold onto the 2^nd place spot.  First question.  8 points says that Egypt has the largest Muslim population outside of Asia.  YES! Alright.  Final question.  Who won a Heisman before going on to win super bowl 6 over the Miami dolphins, winning an Superbowl MVP in between?  Crap.  We all look at MJG because the three of us have NO ideas.  Eventually we come up with a guess, but there is no reassurance that we are on the right path.  We put in our 2 points and hold our breath.  We don’t get the answer, but it doesn’t seem like anyone else did either.  The final tallies come back and we end with 2^nd place, good enough for a $20 gift certificate.  Awesome, that’s a pitcher of beer for next week.  We pay our bill and head out to make our way home to our respective houses. 

As we are leaving we see the slob outside smokin a cigarette and just as we pass, these two guys (bout 6’ tall, in shape and in shirts and ties) approach him and ask if he took their pack of cigarettes on the table.  As we walk away we hear them asking him a few times and he is tryin to say it was all a misunderstanding.  We know it probably isnt.  Then K tells us that the Trivia girl gave us bonues points for the taser comment, assuring us the 2^nd place position.  Glad I didn’t say, “re-tally our points or show us your tits”, that would have been awkward.  A-man celebrated our 2^nd place and we agreed to kick some trivia butt next week.  Maybe I will buy the trivia girl a drink if we need the points.  Awesomeness.

Friday night a group of us went over to the Hatch Shell on the Esplanade to watch the Wizard of Oz.  With some blankets, pizzas and unique beverages, we were off to see the Dorothy (and her little dog too).  eRock had the idea that we honor the flick by drinking Emerald City cocktails (Malibu, midori, blue curacao, sprite and sour mix) but we were out of Blue curacao so we improvised and had something just as tasty.  It had been a while since I had seen the Wizard of Oz, but things haven’t changed. The wicked witch still melted, Dorothy still made it home in the end, and the Cowardly Lion was still gay.  Seriously.  Anyway, towards the end of the movie, right after they melt the witch (Hail Dorothy!) it started to rain on us and rather than wait to see if any of our group melted, we packed it up and left.  As we approached the MGH stop, I mentioned stopping in to the Beacon Hill Pub for a beer before venturing up to Central Sq, and eventually home.  Everyone seemed agreeable and we made our way over.  It turns out this was a bigger mistake than that bucket of water left at the bottom of the staircase in the castle.  My pint of Guinness was downright awful.  In fact, all of our beers tasted downright dank, so rather than pony up for round two we made a bee line for the red line with The Field as our next (and final) destination. 

 This is where I stop and congratulate Pres. Meg on crossing the River and venturing further from Southie than she has been in months. Congrats.   

Ah The Field, what a fine pint they pour.  With everyone’s mood back in order we start conversing about our days and current events and generally enjoy ourselves.  There is talk of when Meg almost got into a bar fight, and briefly Matt and I entertained duking it out but decided that it would be better just to finish our beers.  That’s when we all collectively noticed the tonguefest happening just outside our circle.  Two folks in their twenties, holding hands, standing close, and sucking face.  We are not talking about a peck on the cheek or a meaningful kiss on the lips.  We are talking “one wrong move and I’m going to swallow your face” kissing.  It was abominable. It was gross. It was inappropriate. It was captivating, and as such we could not look away.  It was like a train wreck and we couldn’t avert our eyes.  Even those of us with their backs to them kept turning around to see is he had eaten her ear yet.  Actually, making out in a bar isn’t the worst thing ever and it could be tolerated.  What put these two into a league of their own was that he was totally “palming” her ass … while talking to their friend.  Who are these people?  Have they no sense for social decorum? If they weren’t asking to be the Photo of the Day before, they were practically begging for it now.  I quickly grabbed E’s camera and started to instruct A-man and Meg on how I wanted them to move.  I would be like Moses (with less water), parting our circle momentarily to get the shot only to have it close a second later.  I was poised and ready. I was about to count off and have them move. There was anticipation and giggling. FLASH. The camera went off. The problem was that I hadn’t asked them to move yet and my opportunity was lost as more people filed into the bar and the gropers were swept out of view.  Instead I got a stellar shot of Meghan’s knee.  It actually worked out just fine because this story was probably more entertaining than the photo would have been alone, for now you can use your imagination.  If only I had flying monkeys, then it would have been so much easier.

Friendships come and go, but the good solid ones last a long time…. A great example would be my friendship with Amber.

Me: H_TE
I’ll buy a vowel.
Amber: Y
Me: and that is why i hate you.  you can’t even play fair.  You have to pick the one aloof vowel.

Lesson: If you can’t pick your nose, then you shouldn’t be allowed to pick your friends

Craig was the first person to step up to the Hellbone challenge.  We started with dinner at Bukowskis with Buffalo and Jay and then once that wrapped up we decided on a crispy Hellbone for dessert.  The mere mention of the hellish bbq sent Jay runnin back to NH.  Actually, the poor bastard had just got in from LA and had to go to the office before a meeting the following day.  Despite legit reasons, we still think it was the spice… or not.  ANYWAY.  Craig and I got our ribs and brought them back to the house.  I grabbed my jug of milk; Craig opted for the PBR (if MGD is the Champagne of Beers, I think that PBR is the warm box of Franzia Chablis).   He bit. He smiled. He looked concentrated.  Maybe I built all this up too much.  Honestly, Craig is the guy that gets the Jerk chicken at Redbones without a second thought, meanwhile I break a sweat just thinking about it. So he works through it inspite of a ravenous case of hiccups.  I get through mine (no pain, no gain) with mild hiccups and another 3 alarm fire in my mouth.  Craig was a good sport about all of this and said that he would give it another try at another time, and I of course will be there with him.  Who’s the next sucker?