JJB’s Ramblings

Like the goldfish that is continuously surprised when it sees the castle, I am continually amazed by the public library system.  I remember going to the library in Dalton when I was younger and being totally psyched that they had videos.  More precisely, they had Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and as far as I could tell, it was free and you could watch it as many times as you want.  Of course, I really only wanted to see the scenes with this guy.  That’s what nightmares are made of. 

ANYWAY.

 I have hit up my local Cambridge branch recently and the amazement is still there.  I can get DVD’s, CD’s and …um….. what is that other medium?  Oh yeah, books.  Them things with all those fancy words.  Nothing suits an obsessive subject of the moment reader like me better than the library. A month ago I was all about reading novels that were eventually made into movies.  Before that I was catching up on Augusten Burroughs latest book because I ran across two of his publications in my own book collection.  Yesterday it was a full on culinary assault.  I’ve been following Michael Ruhlman’s blog  for a while and find his writing pretty interesting and his interactions with another author favorite of mine (Anthony Bourdain) are always amusing.  The fact that Ruhlman also wrote this book: Charcuterie: The Craft of Salting, Smoking, and Curing pretty much assures that he will have my rapt attention.  I found that at my library in addition to four other books he has written and promptly reserved them all. Along with a few albums, movies and some more wordy pages.  And it’s free!   

Well, free unless you are one of those people who are tardy with returns.  Like me.  I paid almost $6 in fines last night for late books and will probably fork over some more dough for the Three Stooges bio that seems to have gone missing from my house.  I felt like a crook trying to cash a bad check.  “Can I help you?” asked the matronly old woman behind the counter. “Yes ma’am,” I said “ I believe I have some items on reserve.  Last name is Bates.”  This is where, if it were a movie, there would be a flash of lightning and rolling thunder in the distance.  “Oh yes.” She pauses and I break into a sweat.  Does she know I am a delinquent?  Should I just make a run for it now and call E from a small town in Mexico in 19 hours? No, no. Stay calm. “I have them right here. Lovely.” I relax a little as she scans my library card and then the first book. Then she has to rescan it.  Once more. She pauses and studies the screen, the computer beeps a few times. I think I here the march of footsteps coming down the hallway and look around to see if the window is barred. It isn’t, but it is about 7ft off the ground. Damn.  Also, it’s only about 2 feet wide. Damn, damn. She looks at me and I can tell she is sizing me up. The high school intern with the shaved head is eyeing the door and has stopped filing his circulations. Time pretty much stops and I know my cover is blown.  “I’m sorry dear, it appears that you have $5.40 in fines.  You will have to pay it down to at least $5.00.” I feign surprise.  “Really? I had no idea.  Here. Here is $6.00.”  Maybe she won’t notice my cold, clamy hands.  She makes the cash handoff to her associate who gives her back $0.60 and I swear mouths the words “Don’t F with the public library pal.” I take my books, turn on my heel and do double time out the door back to the car.  I am already planning the route to Mexico because I don’t want to find out what happens when you lose the book entirely.

Gulp.

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