Food 19 Jul 2007 09:29 am
Me mind on fire, Me soul on fire — Feeling hot hot hot
Buster Poindexter had a point.
Jalepenos are essential to nachos. Thai chili sauce is essential to thai chicken. Extra hot horseradish makes a prime rib or cocktail sauce and my bloody mary better make me sweat. These are truths. That said I think I have it all figured out: I like spicy, hot food. My body on the other hand tends to disagree. In fact, as if to punish me for indulging in foods that make me break a sweat, my body ups the ante. It says “ok tough guy. You can handle hot, but can you handle embarassment?” This is when it launches me into a spectacular fit of hiccups that are neither enjoyable NOR funny. Unless you are a spectator, then apparently it’s a riot.
Last night was a pinacle moment. I had ordered some takeout from the East Coast Grill because I wanted a barbecue fix. We aren’t talkin Applebee’s ribletts, we are talkin the real deal. Since I’ve moved from the Davis Sq. area to Inman, I have needed some sort of substitute for Redbones. The transition wasn’t exactly Bobby Orr to Ray Bourque, one superstar replacing another. Rather, it was more Bourque to say, Don Sweeney: a second option that while technically precise, doesn’t have the flare and consistent delivery of a true champion. ANYWAY. From East Coast I decided to sample their trio plate, which featured: pulled pork, beef brisket, and 3 ribs accompanied by some slaw, bbq beans, watermelon and cornbread. While this sounds like a ton of food, the serving size was modest. It wasn’t a gut-busting portion that would lead to leftovers like Redbones, which was fine with me, but it was respectable. In addition to that I sampled what they call a Crispy Hell Bones (one perfectly smoked and seasoned rib that is splashed with what they call Hell Sauce.)
Once I got the food home, I sat down at my table with a nice cold beer and set my food out infront of me. The hell bone drove my anticipation of the meal. As I raised it to my mouth, I inhaled deeply smelling the sweet overtone of the sauce and the medley of spice and smoke within the meat. If it tasted anything like it smelled, then this would be one perfect meal. Then things get hot. As I bit into the rib, I started noting on the subtely of the smokiness, the initial sweet of the sauce, the perfection of the meat and how it had a nice little tinge of spice. Then the tinge grew a little more into a spark. Before this could elevate in temperature, I placed the rib down and relegated my beer to the side table as I got up for a glass of milk because nothing fights a case of the “Oh shit this is hot” better. I was ready now to finish what I started. As I tucked into my perfect Hell Bone I swear that I heard a door close. Presumably it was my common sense leaving the apartment. It was only a matter of seconds before I realized that I was duped on that first bite, and that this sauce meant business. In anticipation of what was about to happen, I grabbed at my milk and took a big gulp, extinguishing the mounting flame in my mouth. Alas, it was only temporary relief and my body went into defensive “Hot & Spicy” mode. Friends, I have never hiccuped harder, louder or more involuntary than I did this night. Doubled over from the neverending rhythm of the involuntary spasms of my diaphragm, I decided that I need to finsh the rib now, rather than try and cool my mouth and then finish. I fought my way through it, alternatly eating some watermelon, cornbread and washing with milk to keep it in control. I finished the rib in less than 3 minutes, but it was a good 20 minutes before I could even attempt to eat anything else because the smallest hint of spice triggered a roaring inferno.
So I got my ass kicked by a hell bone. I suggest you do the same. Go on. Think I am exaggerating (as I am sure Studly is just shakin his head at me)? Next time any of you are visiting, I would be more than happy to treat you to one. You may not launch into a fit of hiccups, but I guarantee you will conceed that it’s hot.
Documented proof of Hott is here
. *Incidentally, the rest of the meal was average. The ribs (without sauce) were good, but cold by the time I got to them (my own fault, I know). The brikset and beans were tough and didn’t compare to RedBones and the pulled pork would have been nice with a little sauce, as they were pretty dry. The watermelon and cornbread were good though and I will revisit East Coast to give their raw bar a twirl… and maybe one more Hell Bone.